Post-Partum Mental Health Issues

What they don't tell you happens after a baby and 5 tips to help overcome the negative effects of PPA and PPD.

Becoming parents for the first, second, and even fifth time is exciting! Babies are exciting. Period. What isn't exciting is the deterioration of your mental state after baby comes and the pressures surrounding you as you step (back) into the role of new mommy.

Do you ever feel alone and like you can't tell anyone what is wrong because you think they won't understand or you think they will think you're a bad mother? Let me assure you, you are NOT the only mother who feels this way after having a baby, and you can overcome this.

Post-partum anxiety and post-partum depression are real. They can leave you thinking you are not a good mother, you are worthless, and you can't do the job you were created to do, but I can tell you this now: while your feelings are valid, they are not true.

Changes

You have every right to feel the way you feel, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. As someone who has suffered from both PPA and PPD, and who has had anxiety for a long time prior to becoming a mother, these mental health ailments are not going to simply go away because someone tells you that you should not feel that way since you just had a baby.

One of the craziest things I have heard is, "You shouldn't be depressed. You just had a cute little baby." People don't often realize that while your body went through physical changes, you are also experiencing emotional turmoil from hormonal changes. As such, anxiety is rising high. Add in the lack of sleep on top of trying to figure out how to handle yourself as a new mom or how to juggle multiple children, depression is sure to creep in at some point.

What Can I Do?

Here are a few tips that might help ease some of that anxiety and depression.

1. Medication: While it is not right for everyone, talking to your OB or GP about medication options might be the way to go. You don't have to commit just because you speak with them about the options, but it is good to know what all choices you do have in case things get worse.

2. Therapy: Again, this won't be the right choice for everyone, but sometimes talking to a complete stranger about your woes helps. And, they are trained and paid to give you honest and scientifically supported advice on how to help ease anxiety and the effects of depression. CBT is often a good route, and therapists will sometimes try this to help change the way you are thinking about certain situations. As with medicine, you don't have to commit, but going once to see if it is for you is a good way to test the waters.

3. Exercise: Taking a walk, doing yoga, or picking up some other exercise routine could help level out the effects of PPA and PPD. Exercising releases hormones known for making us feel good (endorphins). Too, working out tends to take concentration, so it could take your mind off of your more negative emotions. While this might not be a long-term affect, establishing a routine and keeping it in place could help because sometimes our depression stems from body negativity, and an exercise routine will help boost confidence as well.

4. Meditation: Meditation is an option for those who enjoy a clear mind and peacefulness. This option might be a tad harder with a newborn, but if your SO takes the baby/kids for you to get a little "you" time, this is definitely an option. There are apps and even YouTube videos to help you if you aren't sure where to start. There are also books on meditation if you learn better through reading. Regardless of how you go about it, sometimes it is helpful to reset if you just don't think about anything for a while.

5. You Time: Often, depression sets in after the baby comes because you feel like you never have time for yourself. Add in older children and this feeling seems to multiply. While we love our children, mama needs a little time to herself sometimes. By taking this time, you can feel in control again. Whether you get a sitter and go on a date with your SO, or you get your SO or your family to watch the kids long enough for you to soak in a bubble bath, this time to yourself can sometimes be exactly what you needed to take back your well-being.

Feeling Better

While PPA and PPD won't magically disappear overnight, even if you do all of the above, you can take heart knowing that you can start feeling yourself again and you are not alone in how you feel. Remember, there is no secret ingredient to stress-free parenting. If someone tells you otherwise, run. They aren't human. But in all seriousness, it can feel hopeless at times feeling like you are completely alone and you are slowly losing yourself second-by-second. While we want to be happy that we just had a baby and don't want others thinking we aren't, you can't control your hormones or what those hormone changes do to your mental health, but what you can control is how you handle it. Don't let anyone tell you that your feelings and struggle with post-partum mental health aren't valid. You let them know you are 100% entitled to fill this way. Most people who say things like that have never had kids or who never suffered from PPA or PPD. While the above tips are not guarantees, and I am by no means a licensed therapist, they are methods that are worth trying, and 3 of the 5 helped me tremendously while I was going through PPD after having both my boys.